In which our intrepid heroes discover that they are not, in fact, on the planet Namek.
Of course, by the time we get to that point, we’re so soon
after the discovery that the narrator is still like “omgzors, is this not
planet Namek after all?????” At that point, you just want to shoot the bastard.
The animated medium does not have the capacity for subtle deception, because
the characters cannot possibly express with their face and body language as
well as actual actors can, so when the show tries to act like they pulled the
wool over your eyes the entire time, it just feels embarrassing. And I know
what you’re thinking, “why are you even bothering to complain about this?”
Well, normally I wouldn’t, because I’m aware of the limitations of this medium.
What SUCKS is that this isn’t just a single episode of some animated TV sitcom,
this is DBZ FILLER. Not only is it paced the way a sloth climbs a tree, it’s
pitched at the level of a fourth-grader, and to boot, you KNOW more interesting
shit is coming up and you just want to FUCKING. GET TO IT. ALREADY.
Ahem. But anyway, about the episode…
We have Vegeta having his motivations diverted in this
episode to Namek as opposed to any sort of revenge on Earth. This is terrible
news for our heroes, when it should normally be great news. Hey, Vegeta’s not
going to come blow up the Earth! But he is going to Namek, to confront our
heroes, who he doesn’t know are there, and steal the dragon balls, and then
probably blow that planet up before going to Earth and blowing it up too.
Vegeta finds out about Frieza getting to Namek first and decides, well, fuck
that noise, he’s not going to let Frieza get the balls first. As far as he is
aware, the dragon balls are the only chance Vegeta has to get out from under
his malevolent boss, unless he wants to just keep grinding out experience by
blowing up planets.
The fun stuff is Vegeta’s interactions with Cui, because
it’s totally an encapsulation of a rebellious, half-interested employee dealing
with somebody who is exactly at their level and who is a giant ass-kiss and
trying to fill the boss’s shoes. Cui is every asshole cashier or grocery
stocker who thinks if they just act like the boss and try to enforce the rules
on their behalf, why, the boss will see them as a model employee and maybe give
them some actual authority! Which is why it’s all the more satisfying to see
Vegeta completely brush him off like the insect he is, a complete toady and a
fly buzzing around the heads of people around him. Shitheads like that need
putting in their place once in a while, and soon Cui is going to be permanently
sent to a very special place. That’s right: the next dimension. But not before
he is killed.
Goku’s still training. Goku still shouldn’t be training.
Roshi and Chi-Chi are out looking for him. I think Roshi’s able to sense Goku,
because he knows exactly where to go to find him. Nothing more to report on
this front.
Finally, the fake Namekians spring their trap at the end of
the episode, turning into evil bug-like humanoids and the planet from a lush
green into a rocky, cold gray/blue. The entire thing was an illusion created by
the bug-men, which just makes me wonder why they didn’t use their powers to
make their planet look nice and habitable instead of making a group of goobers
waste their time gathering fake dragon balls until they were ready to steal
their spaceship. Maybe I missed something, but the bug-men never explain why they
didn’t just kill the crew and take their ship when they were unconscious. Like,
you wouldn’t even have to kill them, if your point was to escape, just fucking
leave them there.
I don’t know, whatever. This episode blows.
(2/5)
A Few Final Thoughts:
--“SEE MY FRIEND OVER THERE? HE KNOWS KARATE!” – Bulma,
about Krillin.
--Why in fuck do Krillin and Gohan keep forgetting they can
fly? This happens all the time in DBZ filler, they have to make these
situations extra contrived in order to get any kind of action out of them, otherwise
all the super-warriors would just blast through them and carry on. But
seriously, you expect me to believe that Krillin and Gohan at this point in the
series would be threatened by or unable to run a giant Indiana Jones snowball?
Fuck right off.
-- Bulma asks if her frostbitten face will scare Yamcha when
she sees him. Little does she realize, by the time she sees Yamcha again, she
will be in love with none other than Vegeta.
--Speaking of Vegeta, he’s already figured out that he can sense
power levels now. What changed? I don’t know, but he almost doesn’t take a
scouter with him to Namek.
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